[Jane has, of course, been keeping an eye on the news, and her gut instinct tells her that she'll find herself heading out to either Ecruteak or Olivine pretty soon, considering what's going on. If Legendary Pokemon are being this visible, then you pay attention - that's just common sense. But Jane figures they have at least a day before they should head over somewhere - at least today. At least.
And if they didn't, well, those Birds and Beasts could get over it because she is not letting a whole few days' worth of Thanksgiving Food Prep go to waste.
Johto and Kanto didn't really have Thanksgiving, it was true, but in her house at least, it was a tradition. Her Pokemon looked forward to it and helped to make food if they could (Dinah being a primary conductor of the kitchen), but there were some things only Jane could really do. Like handle hot things coming out of the oven, or dealing with potential blunders, or rubbing enough seasonings and herbs onto what she was 100% certain was a tofurkey (because she can't justify mysterious meat on a holiday where Pokemon are guaranteed to join her at the table) to make it palatable to everyone.
But she did, at least, have some more human help today.
John, of course, would have been told that she was doing this a couple weeks ago, and the offer to help with the cooking is always open. Even considering his words on Halloween, she...she's hoping he'll take her up on the offer. Making Thanksgiving Dinner was something that she always cherished doing with her Dad. Maybe if they cook together...they'll feel more like family?]
[wait, is this cybering? is this what cybering is? holy shit, this cannot be on purpose, can it? someone must be trolling him. but who would DO that, here? does pokemon world even HAVE a 4 chan? it can't possibly, that's so outside of the appropriate rating!
what does someone DO under these circumstances? it'd be weird to back off now, or at least it'd mean he loses against the troll, maybe? man, he's glad none of the alien trolls ever did this kind of thing with him. okay. okay he's got this.]
i guess it doesn't matter, we can destroy a hoodie, why not.
[John has a sudden wild, nonsensical anxiety that this is KANAYA SOMEHOW but that doesn't even...make sense? It's not Kanaya's text at all. Not to mention he's in Pokemon world, obviously.
But even if he's not inadvertently pretending to be the Rose he's aware of, he's definitely pretending to be some other Rose, and this isn't a troll. It's...a wrong number? Somehow? How is that even possible for someone you'd sext with? This person isn't in his Pokegear so it can't be a misfire... What the heck is going on?
And...aw, jeez, now this is embarrassing, this wasn't a joke, this was someone's actual real sex thing. What does he say? This is exactly like a sitcom plot. Only in a sitcom, John's pretty sure the character in his position would keep this going out of embarrassment, whereas John's going to come clean because he is not in the business of sexy pranks! Just. He needs a couple of minutes, he's going to blush to death.]
sorry, i don't know who this is but i thought you were an anon trolling me because you are not in my contacts! i didn't mean to pretend to be rose!
Hey John? I just wanted to check in with you on something. Did you happen to see that post earlier in the week about a field trip to another region? Well, as much as I'd love to go, I'm actually thinking of staying back here in Johto instead. New Bark Town, specifically. Is that alright with you? It'll delay me significantly, but...well...I guess since I'm out and about and on a roll, part of me doesn't want to stop for a quick trip and potentially lose track of my progress.
The Pokemon Mom does in fact live here! And there is, in fact, no gym here. But I felt like this would be a good place to stop. There's a ferry ride over to Kanto after this point, and even though that's just me sitting on a boat for a while, I know I'm going to get worn out by it anyway. Besides, it can sort of be like my own vacation? Oh, and this just occured to me! If anyone new shows up, I'll be around, so none of the old timers need to worry about folks showing up and being clueless and too far away to offer help.
oh duh, that makes sense. i don't know why i didn't think of that. it IS a very peaceful village! and that is a great idea! you really helped me get started and i bet other people would love your help too.
Aw shucks, buster. :B It's more of "something to do that's a nice thing" than anything else. I figure it would be worthwhile. And if no one shows up, well, then my Pokemon and I get a nice little vacation of sorts. Maybe there's some interesting things at the Pokemon Lab we all get our starters from? Like books, or somesuch.
I am mostly just...kind of tired, pushing through things so much.
[Honestly, the first and only time they talked previously, it was about Steven's recently caught wailmer, all of six months ago, so it's possibly a little weird he's texting him out of the blue like this. That said...]
I know he's being his typical awful self, but just ignore Dirk's boyfriend. Attention only makes him worse.
you're right, i bet a lot of people have never thought about the first town again after leaving it! who knows what they might have there?
anyway, you already did a bunch of gyms! that is a lot of progress! i think taking a nice break like this instead of getting involved in what is probably new plot quests makes sense. oh man, i almost didn't think of this. do you want me to look out for, uh, a local pokemon or item or something in sinnoh? i'm not sure how different it is there, exactly.
[At this point in his life, John's been randomly messaged by so many people that he takes it in stride. Especially when this message fills him with enough retroactive relief that it cools down his anger a little bit.]
thank FUCK i KNEW it but i thought i was maybe a homo phobe or something for just assuming they were doing weird troll flirting? like maybe i only thought it because dirk is gay?
[Wait, right, he's not on Earth C and this guy has no idea about kismeses. He....guesses the other definition of troll still applies? So it's fine, he doesn't have to explain it.]
wow.
is there a word for a power couple when what they are powerful at is being assholes on purpose?
Yeah, no, they're screwing. They are *totally* screwing. I'm friends with Dirk's boyfriend's ex- as well as Dirk (though NOT Dirk's boyfriend, the creep) so I have to hear *all* about it. Mostly from the ex- actually. They were seeing each other before they ended up here, but Dirk's boyfriend arrived way before the ex- did, so guess who found a new flame in the meantime?
You are *so* lucky you never get Dirk's boyfriend drunk texting you at random to try to interrogate you on why his ex- (who he *dumped for Dirk*) is avoiding him all the time. *You would think he could guess*.
Oh! Well, um... If it isn't any trouble...I've kind of been collecting these cookbooks on "bentos"? I can pay you back if you happen to find a copy of a Sinnoh-centric one and deign to pick it up. Other than that, I'd prefer you just take the time to enjoy yourself to the fullest.
i have! dirk likes to come to my job and try and bug me into doing dumb heroic stuff again for some stupid dirk reason and his boy friend was there to get a sandwich and be a total assfuck to cashiers! and then they had this weird flirt fight in the middle of the store.
why does that guy text you if you aren't even friends? also is he even over his ex? why does he care if he's avoiding him? that's really awkward for pretty much everyone...
My God, of course they did. Of goddamn *course* they did.
I mean, I assume it was because he was *drunk* and he knew my 'gear number (sadly) and also that I was friends with the ex-. He also took the opportunity to insult me at the same time.
And *no*, I don't think the boyfriend *is* over his ex-. And I know Dirk's boyfriend and his ex- are for whatever reason roommates/housemates, which I suspect makes it *very* awkward if Dirk goes to the boyfriend's for a booty call and not the other way around.
And yes, it's very awkward, like a slow-motion trainwreck happening way too far away to effectively do anything about it.
Edited (he doesn't know you well enough to say fuck around you) 2020-08-13 22:28 (UTC)
[ It’s about five in the morning when this message comes through. Hope your notifications are off. ]
Good morning, John. I trust that you slept well and are preparing for your day of work ahead. I hope you and your feathered companion are getting along well.
I admit this is not purely a friendly “Hello”. I had hoped you might assist me with a small matter. I have something to give to Dirk Strider, yet I need to do this in person.
I have unfortunately earned his ire, so I fear I won’t be able to ascertain this from him.
[They aren't because....old habits. What if someone needs to contact him at any time! So he drifts awake, and squints blearily at his PokeGear. He guesses....he's up at 5 some days! Not today, though. Not an opening shift. He doesn't want to make Hythlodaeus feel bad or anything, though...]
we are getting along a lot better now thanks to you!
it's hard to know with dirk, sort of. i mean, he keeps saying he has a job but there's no way he can hassle me literally whenever i am working if he's also doing something.
i guess you could just sort of hang around the goldenrod department store until he randomly shows up during my shift to bug me because that is basically the only thing i know for sure about him here.
oh my god that WOULD make sense! it is way too complicated to get into it now but i bet he is selling weird stuffed toys. i don't know why he wouldn't just tell me, he has got to know i know.
[Unavoidable, then, he guesses Hythlodaeus is just gonna have to find out he's woken John up.]
i see him basically every day i work, which means i saw him yesterday. i don't really have a super regular schedule but i am working today from noon to 7:30.
There are plenty of men who prefer to keep their professional and personal lives separate. Perhaps he is concerned that you would quickly become enamored with his handicraft. I can be difficult to face one's own adoring public.
[It'd be awkward if he cared about that sort of thing. He's used to being pretty important and requiring others move onto his schedule to deal with him.]
Lucky you, an opportunity to see both sunrise and sunset. The mark of a fastidious worker.
[But this bit about his habit is fascinating. He wonders what the the saturation point might be before Dirk changes his habits.]
no, i am pretty sure i can control myself around butt puppets.
[Is that...passive aggression? Or sarcasm or something? John peers suspiciously at it a bit before deciding to shift right over it to Hythlodaeus' next comment.]
i am almost one hundred percent confident that dirk doesn't see me as a friend. i think he probably listens to his friends...or at least would humor their side even a little.
it's not for hanging out pal time, it is for lectures. honestly i am kind of hoping you'll distract him from it with whatever this drama is you have with him?
it is the only thing i know for certain one of him has sold before and also probably the only thing he could get supplies for here? i probably shouldn't have even mentioned it, you're fighting him right now or something.
[Thinking about that means he probably shouldn't explain that Dirk expects stuff of him due to playing the same stupid video game rather than any sort of care outside of that. John tries, honestly, he's tossed out a ton of olive branches and Dirk only wants this one thing John is too tired to go through with. It sucks.
Anyway, it's gonna be great for Dirk to get a taste of his own medicine. Whether Dirk listens to Hythlodaeus or leaves immediately, either way John's down a lecture for that day.]
haha good luck, i guess? you seem pretty confident.
[Which this really brings him back to what he was wondering about.]
Is that so? You say this as if it is rather pedestrian, you know.
So... Your God, who was your friend's older brother in an alternate universe... Comes by to lecture you nearly every day. Tell me, what does he lecture you about? Who are you, then?
Well, as I understood it from his own mouth... Just that. The writer of your story, the mover of the pieces. I saw his soul, so I am inclined to believe him.
honestly, that is a good question. i thought he was already treating me as part of his plans? what with the way he shows up every day to tell me how important his plans are?
i guess he might be more practical than i thought. that is actually so weird.
anyway, kind of? i am not sure if you are talking about dirk's exact situation because i don't know what he has and hasn't told you. but when i was 13 a meteor did destroy basically everyone on earth except me and my friends. so i guess technically at what i think is the religious people adult age, there were only a few humans left and i was one of them?
[Well. That component about the meteor is... low key terrifying and high key interesting. But he doesn't think he's going to get anything coherent out of John about that, at least not right now.]
You're resisting him, then. I can understand the appeal, of course. But...
i guess this is all kind of tmi seeing as we basically just met but i only want to be a normal person with a job. if dirk actually has some stuff for me to do that is relevant to saving our universe, he can tell me about that, but i'm not going to do a bunch of pokemon master adventure stuff just because i am also a god.
i kind of do? the issue is that the whole thing is super complicated and i barely understand it. if whatever your dirk plan is works then you should ask him.
but i think the basic idea is that i am the only other person here other than dirk who is maybe "Relevant" with a capital r. or maybe i'm more True? fuck.
a friend explained all this to me once but it has been possibly literally an eternity since then so i'm kind of rusty. but i think i hold relevance to the canon of the world i come from even dead, somehow? or dirk thinks i do, i mean. i don't think he has any proof because he'd probably shove it in my face if he did but he wants me to be a hero here to sort of maintain my hero/main character status and through that, my overall Relevance.
there's something about essentiality as well????????
i am not an expert on this stuff. dirk and my friend both went "ultimate", which gave them all this knowledge and they were already really smart so they understand what's going on. i'm just a dude who played a game and got superpowers, really.
ok, i know what you're about to say. "If you're not an expert, how can you possibly know doing what Dirk says wouldn't help?" i don't, but he doesn't either. if he finds something to convince me that i am somehow going to be relevant to canon again as myself and not a dead body, i'll listen to him. but he hasn't found that yet.
[She's just gotten her last warp leg of this journey in, and now, early morning in Viridian City, Jane sends John a photo of her badge case.
All sixteen badges, eight from Johto and eight from Kanto, are neatly lined up and polished and present.]
John I've got them all!! I'm going for it! I'm going to stock up on supplies and head right out to Victory Road and march up to the Elite Four and give it my all!
[Action] IT'S FRIENDSGIVING
And if they didn't, well, those Birds and Beasts could get over it because she is not letting a whole few days' worth of Thanksgiving Food Prep go to waste.
Johto and Kanto didn't really have Thanksgiving, it was true, but in her house at least, it was a tradition. Her Pokemon looked forward to it and helped to make food if they could (Dinah being a primary conductor of the kitchen), but there were some things only Jane could really do. Like handle hot things coming out of the oven, or dealing with potential blunders, or rubbing enough seasonings and herbs onto what she was 100% certain was a tofurkey (because she can't justify mysterious meat on a holiday where Pokemon are guaranteed to join her at the table) to make it palatable to everyone.
But she did, at least, have some more human help today.
John, of course, would have been told that she was doing this a couple weeks ago, and the offer to help with the cooking is always open. Even considering his words on Halloween, she...she's hoping he'll take her up on the offer. Making Thanksgiving Dinner was something that she always cherished doing with her Dad. Maybe if they cook together...they'll feel more like family?]
5/29 - MisdirectedText
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uh, a hoodie, i guess, also i probably wouldn't call myself a lady, haha...
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What color hoodie?
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i mean, it's not THAT big of a hoodie?
[wait, is this cybering? is this what cybering is? holy shit, this cannot be on purpose, can it? someone must be trolling him. but who would DO that, here? does pokemon world even HAVE a 4 chan? it can't possibly, that's so outside of the appropriate rating!
what does someone DO under these circumstances? it'd be weird to back off now, or at least it'd mean he loses against the troll, maybe? man, he's glad none of the alien trolls ever did this kind of thing with him. okay. okay he's got this.]
i guess it doesn't matter, we can destroy a hoodie, why not.
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But even if he's not inadvertently pretending to be the Rose he's aware of, he's definitely pretending to be some other Rose, and this isn't a troll. It's...a wrong number? Somehow? How is that even possible for someone you'd sext with? This person isn't in his Pokegear so it can't be a misfire... What the heck is going on?
And...aw, jeez, now this is embarrassing, this wasn't a joke, this was someone's actual real sex thing. What does he say? This is exactly like a sitcom plot. Only in a sitcom, John's pretty sure the character in his position would keep this going out of embarrassment, whereas John's going to come clean because he is not in the business of sexy pranks! Just. He needs a couple of minutes, he's going to blush to death.]
sorry, i don't know who this is but i thought you were an anon trolling me because you are not in my contacts! i didn't mean to pretend to be rose!
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[There's a prolonged pause. Then,]
This is Greg Universe. I thought I was texting my wife.
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Tho the names kind of sound familiar...?]
oh....hey, you're the guy who brought a guitar to prom, right? and rose is a big pink woman? this is john egbert! i brought out the piano.
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I'm so sorry I thought you were Rose. I don't know what's with this darn pokegear today.
[Text] 8/5
I just wanted to check in with you on something.
Did you happen to see that post earlier in the week about a field trip to another region?
Well, as much as I'd love to go, I'm actually thinking of staying back here in Johto instead. New Bark Town, specifically.
Is that alright with you?
It'll delay me significantly, but...well...I guess since I'm out and about and on a roll, part of me doesn't want to stop for a quick trip and potentially lose track of my progress.
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of course that's alright!
wait, but isn't new bark town the one with the pokemon mom in it? i didn't think there was a gym there.
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But I felt like this would be a good place to stop. There's a ferry ride over to Kanto after this point, and even though that's just me sitting on a boat for a while, I know I'm going to get worn out by it anyway.
Besides, it can sort of be like my own vacation?
Oh, and this just occured to me! If anyone new shows up, I'll be around, so none of the old timers need to worry about folks showing up and being clueless and too far away to offer help.
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it IS a very peaceful village!
and that is a great idea! you really helped me get started and i bet other people would love your help too.
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It's more of "something to do that's a nice thing" than anything else. I figure it would be worthwhile.
And if no one shows up, well, then my Pokemon and I get a nice little vacation of sorts.
Maybe there's some interesting things at the Pokemon Lab we all get our starters from?
Like books, or somesuch.
I am mostly just...kind of tired, pushing through things so much.
8/7 (during the pigeon problem)
I know he's being his typical awful self, but just ignore Dirk's boyfriend. Attention only makes him worse.
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anyway, you already did a bunch of gyms! that is a lot of progress!
i think taking a nice break like this instead of getting involved in what is probably new plot quests makes sense.
oh man, i almost didn't think of this. do you want me to look out for, uh, a local pokemon or item or something in sinnoh? i'm not sure how different it is there, exactly.
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thank FUCK i KNEW it but i thought i was maybe a homo phobe or something for just assuming they were doing weird troll flirting? like maybe i only thought it because dirk is gay?
[Wait, right, he's not on Earth C and this guy has no idea about kismeses. He....guesses the other definition of troll still applies? So it's fine, he doesn't have to explain it.]
wow.
is there a word for a power couple when what they are powerful at is being assholes on purpose?
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Yeah, no, they're screwing. They are *totally* screwing. I'm friends with Dirk's boyfriend's ex- as well as Dirk (though NOT Dirk's boyfriend, the creep) so I have to hear *all* about it. Mostly from the ex- actually. They were seeing each other before they ended up here, but Dirk's boyfriend arrived way before the ex- did, so guess who found a new flame in the meantime?
You are *so* lucky you never get Dirk's boyfriend drunk texting you at random to try to interrogate you on why his ex- (who he *dumped for Dirk*) is avoiding him all the time. *You would think he could guess*.
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If it isn't any trouble...I've kind of been collecting these cookbooks on "bentos"? I can pay you back if you happen to find a copy of a Sinnoh-centric one and deign to pick it up.
Other than that, I'd prefer you just take the time to enjoy yourself to the fullest.
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why does that guy text you if you aren't even friends?
also is he even over his ex? why does he care if he's avoiding him?
that's really awkward for pretty much everyone...
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I mean, I assume it was because he was *drunk* and he knew my 'gear number (sadly) and also that I was friends with the ex-. He also took the opportunity to insult me at the same time.
And *no*, I don't think the boyfriend *is* over his ex-. And I know Dirk's boyfriend and his ex- are for whatever reason roommates/housemates, which I suspect makes it *very* awkward if Dirk goes to the boyfriend's for a booty call and not the other way around.
And yes, it's very awkward, like a slow-motion trainwreck happening way too far away to effectively do anything about it.
Text, 9/25
Good morning, John. I trust that you slept well and are preparing for your day of work ahead. I hope you and your feathered companion are getting along well.
I admit this is not purely a friendly “Hello”. I had hoped you might assist me with a small matter. I have something to give to Dirk Strider, yet I need to do this in person.
I have unfortunately earned his ire, so I fear I won’t be able to ascertain this from him.
Might you know where or when he ventures out?
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we are getting along a lot better now thanks to you!
it's hard to know with dirk, sort of. i mean, he keeps saying he has a job but there's no way he can hassle me literally whenever i am working if he's also doing something.
i guess you could just sort of hang around the goldenrod department store until he randomly shows up during my shift to bug me because that is basically the only thing i know for sure about him here.
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He may have the sort of job that I do. Perhaps he simply makes and sells his wares from home, working on his own time.
Yet that is quite the useful bit of information... How long has it been since you’ve seen him?
...And when might your shifts be?
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[Unavoidable, then, he guesses Hythlodaeus is just gonna have to find out he's woken John up.]
i see him basically every day i work, which means i saw him yesterday. i don't really have a super regular schedule but i am working today from noon to 7:30.
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[It'd be awkward if he cared about that sort of thing. He's used to being pretty important and requiring others move onto his schedule to deal with him.]
Lucky you, an opportunity to see both sunrise and sunset. The mark of a fastidious worker.
[But this bit about his habit is fascinating. He wonders what the the saturation point might be before Dirk changes his habits.]
Surely you are very close friends, then.
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no, i am pretty sure i can control myself around butt puppets.
[Is that...passive aggression? Or sarcasm or something? John peers suspiciously at it a bit before deciding to shift right over it to Hythlodaeus' next comment.]
i am almost one hundred percent confident that dirk doesn't see me as a friend. i think he probably listens to his friends...or at least would humor their side even a little.
it's not for hanging out pal time, it is for lectures. honestly i am kind of hoping you'll distract him from it with whatever this drama is you have with him?
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[He knows it isn't, but he wants to hear what his impression of Dirk is.]
Surely he lectures only because he cares. Otherwise, why else would he do this so often?
[ It's what he would do, too, if he thought he should. If he had any friends he should lecture, which he does.]
[... But on the note of lectures into drama.]
As much as he may lecture you, he has little patience for my own. It is all well, it will be repaired in due time.
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i probably shouldn't have even mentioned it, you're fighting him right now or something.
[Thinking about that means he probably shouldn't explain that Dirk expects stuff of him due to playing the same stupid video game rather than any sort of care outside of that. John tries, honestly, he's tossed out a ton of olive branches and Dirk only wants this one thing John is too tired to go through with. It sucks.
Anyway, it's gonna be great for Dirk to get a taste of his own medicine. Whether Dirk listens to Hythlodaeus or leaves immediately, either way John's down a lecture for that day.]
haha good luck, i guess? you seem pretty confident.
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Ah, but I strive to understand him a bit better each day. And in the spirit of my goal, I would very much like you to expand upon "one of him".
[Absolutely goddamn fascinating. He could think of some meanings for that, but it wouldn't do to get so far ahead that he became lost in thought.
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oh, i just mean when he was my friend's older brother in an alternate universe. my life was really stupid for a while.
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Is that so? You say this as if it is rather pedestrian, you know.
So... Your God, who was your friend's older brother in an alternate universe... Comes by to lecture you nearly every day. Tell me, what does he lecture you about? Who are you, then?
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What does Dirk lecture you about?
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no, i mean the part about "Your God", what's that supposed to mean?
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Is there some... falsehood spun here?
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ok, this is a lot. wow. i guess dirk is really big on his plans and master minding stuff. is that what you mean, he was talking about that?
i'm guessing you're being pretty literal about the soul thing, though. we are actually both gods because of the same dumb reason, so he is not MY god.
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Did you also reach adulthood as the last of your species?
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i guess he might be more practical than i thought. that is actually so weird.
anyway, kind of? i am not sure if you are talking about dirk's exact situation because i don't know what he has and hasn't told you. but when i was 13 a meteor did destroy basically everyone on earth except me and my friends. so i guess technically at what i think is the religious people adult age, there were only a few humans left and i was one of them?
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You're resisting him, then. I can understand the appeal, of course. But...
Why?
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i died doing it and that should be enough!
i guess this is all kind of tmi seeing as we basically just met but i only want to be a normal person with a job. if dirk actually has some stuff for me to do that is relevant to saving our universe, he can tell me about that, but i'm not going to do a bunch of pokemon master adventure stuff just because i am also a god.
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Yet... I can’t help but think that he has some purpose behind that urging. Might you know what it is?
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but i think the basic idea is that i am the only other person here other than dirk who is maybe "Relevant" with a capital r. or maybe i'm more True? fuck.
a friend explained all this to me once but it has been possibly literally an eternity since then so i'm kind of rusty. but i think i hold relevance to the canon of the world i come from even dead, somehow? or dirk thinks i do, i mean. i don't think he has any proof because he'd probably shove it in my face if he did but he wants me to be a hero here to sort of maintain my hero/main character status and through that, my overall Relevance.
there's something about essentiality as well????????
i am not an expert on this stuff. dirk and my friend both went "ultimate", which gave them all this knowledge and they were already really smart so they understand what's going on. i'm just a dude who played a game and got superpowers, really.
ok, i know what you're about to say. "If you're not an expert, how can you possibly know doing what Dirk says wouldn't help?" i don't, but he doesn't either. if he finds something to convince me that i am somehow going to be relevant to canon again as myself and not a dead body, i'll listen to him. but he hasn't found that yet.
[Text, Oct 29th]
All sixteen badges, eight from Johto and eight from Kanto, are neatly lined up and polished and present.]
John I've got them all!!
I'm going for it!
I'm going to stock up on supplies and head right out to Victory Road and march up to the Elite Four and give it my all!
[Text] Dec 3rd
I don't expect to win, but...well! I'm certainly going to try my best.
[Jane will send selfies of herself with the various E4 members as proof as she goes, however far she gets.]